Irreverent Mama

Friday, July 21, 2006

Half-way through. Almost. A whine.

You may stop reading here, if you wish. What follows is purest self-indulgance.

Everyone knows summers are a time of relaxation, of loosened restrictions, greater freedom. Long weekends and long summer evenings. Wine and conversation. Holidays and a break from the routine. Everyone knows this.

Except me.

My summers are a long, hot, dreary getting-through-on-willpower-until-September. I'm self-employed, and each summer my income drops. I am not a fool; I have money set aside against this to ensure I make ends meet until things pick up again in the fall. Still - "make ends meet" is the best I can do over the summer. My stepkids, the seething mass of them, are here for half of each summer month. The income drop means little chance of a real get-away vacation. So I continue to work through the summer, crowded and crowded still more by the kids, by the cooking, by the need to ferry them here and there, by the increased housework, by the heat, the heat, the heat in our overcrowded, non-air-conditioned house.

And as the summer progresses, I get more and more tired. Today I am wilting with exhaustion, and more than a little self-pity. Listening to people describe their vacations, or their vacation plans, does not help. Seeing my neighbour sit on his porch with a beer in the afternoon, while I labour away, does not help. Poor, sorry me! If summer wasn't supposed to be all calm and relaxing, perhaps it wouldn't grate so much that mine are a long, slow grind till September.

Still. I have been speaking with someone about another type of work, and it seems likely that by next summer I will have a secondary income to supplement my income lull. Wouldn't it be lovely to have a summer in which I could forgo my annual money worries?

I will have some kid-free time off at the end of August this year, and even though I won't go anywhere, that doesn't prevent me from organizing the yard, working in the garden, digging out that nasty corner in the basement - all of which sound dull, I'm sure, but which will bring me satisfaction. Probably the idea of creating peace and order in the midst of ever-encroaching chaos.

I need that.

Whine over.

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4 Comments:

  • Sounds like you deserve a giant glass of real wine! Hang in there :)

    By Blogger sunshine scribe, at 10:10 PM  

  • Ugh. I wish you the break you need!

    By Blogger Candace, at 4:17 PM  

  • Umbrella drinks....and I am so sorry about the 'arsehole' he sounds.....difficult. Anne

    By Blogger crazymumma, at 12:58 AM  

  • yeah, we at the library find summer a bit of a chore due to the extra kids.

    And I am totally looking forward to, late August and September, cleaning out rooms of stored crap and finding proper places for things. It may not be glam, but you're right - it's really satisfying.

    By Blogger kittenpie, at 1:04 AM  

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