Irreverent Mama

Tuesday, June 27, 2006

I am going to get married.

No, let me try that again, with appropriate enthusiasm: I am getting married!!

Married? I'm getting married? How did that happen?

Well, probably comes of having told My Man I was ready to do this thing. So I have no one to blame but myself.

Seriously, I'm thrilled. Really, I am. I want to be married to him. It's only taken ten years or so after his proposal, but I'm finally ready. I can envision being married without clamping up in fear. What I cannot envision without that cramp of fear is a wedding. Wedding? I didn't even think of that!

When I told him, snuggling in bed one evening, that I was ready to get married, he laughed. Just laughed. It came out of the blue for him.

Once upon a time, he'd say the M-word just to watch me go pale and break out into a sweat. Apparently this was hugely entertaining for him. However, the entertainment value of this simple game has long ago faded away, so it’s years since we’ve spoken of it.

Which is why he laughed. He figured it was payback for that game of years gone by. When he realized I was serious, he cried. (Awww. See why I love him?) But he was still having a hard time believing this was really going to happen. Ten years after a proposal is a long turn-around time, I know. So he tells me, "When you tell my family, THEN I'll know it's going to happen."

Fair enough. And no probs. I am ready for this. I said I wanted to marry him, I do.

This past week, the opportunity for the proclamation arose. All of us sitting round the deck of a friend's cottage, with no more than a slight "ahem", I plunged in and broke the news.

It was his sister who started in with the terrorizing. "Where will the ceremony be? I know some great things you can do with ribbons. And a reception? I have some magazines you can borrow, they're full of great ideas! Will the kids be in the wedding party?"

Each question a punch in the stomach. Each helpful suggestion something to flee.

Wedding Party?

Why this came as a shock, I'll never know. I did all that the first time.

That's it. I did this all the first time. I do NOT want a wedding the second time. My ideal wedding? Meet with an official and the requisite number of witnesses and let everyone else know afterwards. Maybe have a party a couple of weeks later. Perfect.

Now the family sits around me, slavering for ritual and ceremony, for matching dresses and marches down the aisle and rice and confetti and drunken revelry. The only part of that which appeal is the last one.

But My Man?

My Man wants a wedding. Because “a marriage is a social structure, requiring a public delcaration”. This would be what you call a philosophical difference. I can cede these points on a societal level, but on a personal level? I just want to be married.

The discussions continue...



  • AHHHH! That's big news! I didn't necessarily want a wedding when Mr. Foot and I done got hitched. My mother did, though, so we had one. I just wanted to be married to him. I figured that *I* knew what was important for me (the marriage) and what was important for members of my family (the wedding), so I could compromise.

    Maybe something small-ish with a larger party afterwards? There's certainly no rule that the number of wedding guests has to equal the number of reception guests. And you do not have to have a wedding party at all. Just a couple people to witness the license, really.

    I vote no ribbons, though. Seriously.

    By Blogger Candace, at 7:46 p.m.  

  • There will be no ribbons. Promise.

    My thought was teeny weeny wedding, then a party at the Rainbow with oh, maybe Tony D for entertainment.


    But perhaps not for the older folks, who are, after all, just as (if not more in that they're er, seminal, ar, ar) important as my generation.

    Look at all those links! She's been out drinking...

    By Anonymous irreverentmama, at 10:20 p.m.  

  • Oooh! Will there be karaoke? Buffet or sit-down dinner? Are you going to have the pigs in a blanket? You're not going to play YMCA, are you? Geez, I have a lot of questions.

    By Blogger Karl, at 10:43 p.m.  

  • Ariel Meadow Stallings has a book due out soon called Offbeat Weddings, which is all about doing it your own way. I think they are taking preorders on Amazon at present.


    By Blogger Michelle O'Neil, at 3:23 p.m.  

  • Big Girly Squeal!

    Congrats! That is such wonderful news!!! That you're at such a place where you're over the Ex's terrorizing enough to do this? That's phenomenal!!!!

    As to the wedding? You just described my dream ceremony (find a couple of people to sign a form at the courthouse, and then, if the subject happens to come up, tell people about it after the fact.)

    By Blogger MsSisyphus, at 2:09 p.m.  

  • Husband and I totally did things our own way for our wedding. We had the reception at a restaurant down the street from our apartment that had NEVER done a wedding before, so they didn't jack up the price 3 million percent! That meant we could have an open bar! Which is soooo important! Because people can really party!

    But honestly, the rehearsal dinner was even more fun than the wedding reception (which had 80 people), because there so FEW people (only 25), and they were the people we truly, truly loved. And boy, did I tie one on! It was so fun.

    So small is good.

    And, yes, ribbons are BAD so, good choice!

    By Anonymous MiM, at 6:17 p.m.  

  • Wow! Get busy planning a birthday party and look at all the commenters who show up!

    And you're all so fun. I should invite you to the wedding, no???

    Karl - You're a big fucking help, you are. Big wet kisses for you.

    I wince as I admit that we *own* a karaoke machine. My Man bought it for his girls a couple of Christmases ago - and the LOOOOVE it. One is taking voice lessons, and one's the the drama program at the local Arts High School, so it sees a lot of use. But no, we are NOT bringing it to the wedding. Nor even the reception.

    Unless you come and favour us with a tune or two?

    Michelle - thank you, for the best wishes and the tip. That sounds like just the book for me right now. Off I go to Amazon...

    Ms. S - that's how some friends of ours did it. Absolutely no one there but the essentials, and then they sent announcements to all interested parties, saying, "Guess what we did"?

    Love it.

    MiM: I completely agree that a couple should do things their way, and especially for a wedding taking place years after their independence from parents and family home. My Man and I just have to decide what "our way" is. Well, we have to create one, because right now, we have a "my way" and a "your way". Given what we've been through over the decade we've been together, though, I have no doubt we can resolve this one, too! :-)

    By Blogger irreverentmama, at 10:07 p.m.  

  • yeah, I didn't even say yes right away because I couldn't quite handle the word fiancee. No that I didn't want to marry him some day. But it weirded me out, that label. Congreatualtions on finding a comfort with the important part of a wedding - the actual marriage afterwards. Really, the wedding can be made pretty painless and only lasts one night. I'm sure you've been to horribly boring work parties that you got through, and this one, you get to plan with your man to be whatever you want. It'll be okay.

    By Blogger kittenpie, at 7:27 p.m.  

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