One of the great pleasures of the fine months is the amount of time we get to spend in the local dog-friendly park, chatting with the other dog-owners and watching the dogs romp. One of the dog-owners, we'll call him Mr. Nasshole, has taken it upon himself to make an email list of all willing dog-owners, so that we can be apprised of events pertinent to us -- like the end-of-summer party or the annual spring poop scoop.

(Yes, indeed. Conscientious dog-owners of the strong-stomached sort gather in late April armed with gloves, shovels, bags (and gas-masks?), to clear the park of the six months' worth of dog shit that has emerged as a winter's snows melt away. We are nothing if not Sterling Citizens, because you know those of us who gather to take on this wretched task are not those who neglected to pick up their dog's leftovers all winter long. We do it for The Good of The Community.)

Although we both agree that the list is a good notion, and that Mr. N. is performing a useful service to the dog-loving community and to our local park, Matthew and I have quite different responses to Mr. Nasshole as a person. Matthew thinks he's basically friendly, perhaps more socially skilled with dogs than people, but otherwise a nice enough fellow. I think he's a belligerant, self-important dork with bully tendencies, who needs to be In Control at all times.

My reasons for this assessment arise out of an event which I will not recount here. However, my impression wasn't altered at all by the following email exchange. (He is Ima Nasshole; I am Laura V.).

Sent: Monday, October 13, 2008 11:47:29 AM
Subject: Re: Warning for Dog Owners/Walkers (Riverside Park)
To ALL :

Thanks Suzie ( Kevin ) and to Frank Weldon the park forester-warden (who sent me the below cited bits)
Ima Nasshole

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
Warning:
>>over the past week, there have been two reports of dogs
>>having been poisoned in our area. One of the reports was
>>for Riverside Park. The other was for MossyGlen Park.


>> The source of this information is extremely reliable.
>>Although the reports are UNCONFIRMED they felt that
>>it was worthwhile passing along a caution...


On 14-Oct-08, at 2:21 PM, Laura V. wrote:

Hello, Mr. Nasshole;

Thanks for sending this out. It's good to have information, so we can be more aware and cautious.

The email leaves important questions unanswered. I suppose no one knows what kind of poison, or how it was administered? How are the dogs faring? I do hope they've recovered!

I would like to speak with Mr. Weldon directly, if that's possible. If you're not comfortable giving me his email address, would you please forward this email to him, so he can decide what, if anything, he can tell me?

Thank you,
Laura V.


Sent: Wednesday, October 15, 2008 4:22:30 PM
Subject: Re: Warning for Dog Owners/Walkers (Riverside Park)

Mr Weldon is the forestry guy; it was Suzi Franklin who sent me the info on the poisoning
I.N.
++++++++++++++++++++++++++


Sent: Wednesday, October 15, 2008 6:18:14 PM
Subject: Re: Warning for Dog Owners/Walkers (Riverside Park)
My mistake! It looks like I should have asked you to forward my email to Suzi Franklin, then. Did you/would you do that, please?

Thank you,
Laura V.

Three days have passed. Full radio silence from Mr. N.

So. Who's right, boys and girls? A well-intentioned man, if lacking in social skills (Matthew's take), or a self-important dork whose need to control things will ensure he never passes along the address that will take his almighty hand off the spigot of information?