Irreverent Mama

Monday, August 20, 2007

Fun Monday this week is brought to you by the letter U, and the number... limitless.

Uncaringbear wants to know:

Share with us a little white lie that you may, or may not, have gotten away with. Perhaps it's something more sinister than a little white lie - maybe even a deep dark secret that you've kept buried for years! All the better! Now's your chance to get it off your chest and confess: "Yes, I did eat that last slice of cheese cake", "No, I wasn't washing my hair that Saturday", "Those pants do make you look fat"!


So, do "little white lies" include faked orgasms? Yes, yes, I know. We independent, confident women-of-the-new-millennium aren't supposed to. And, since my first marriage bit the dust, I've never faked it just to bolster some bumbler's pathetic ego. But sometimes, you know, it's been just lovely, really, it has, but you're very tired now and you really don't care if you 'get there' or not, and what you really, really want to do now is snuggle up and go to sleep, but the fellow you're with, he Just WON'T Quit until you do... so you do. Fake it. Really.

Every woman has done that a time or two. Whether she admits it or not.

Not that that's necessary with Matthew, sensitive and aware man that he is. Besides, he's a canny sort, and has long since discovered that if I'm left to sleep and simmer, I wake up ready to burst into flames in the morning. No fool he.

The rest of the time? I sometimes indulge in little white lies because I'm lazy. It's easier to say the kind and comforting thing than get into the Big Discussion over something that doesn't really matter - or won't matter tomorrow.

"I'm sorry. I'm not much company today. I'm worried about X."
REAL ANSWER: YES. You are being a complete blight on my evening, and I wish you'd just SUCK IT UP or go somewhere else.
LWL: Oh, I noticed you were a little quiet, but that's okay. I'm sure you'll feel better tomorrow. (And, if I'm feeling particularly saintly, "Would you like a backrub?")

But by far the majority of my LWL's are sins of omission than comission. It's not what I say, but what I don't say.

"That was an impulse purchase that I truly regret now. What a waste of money!"
REAL ANSWER: Damned right, woman. And it's not the first time, either. How much money will you pour down the drain before you grasp this?
Little White Evasion: I'll bet if you put an add in the paper, you can sell it in a few days!

"I guess I didn't give him the benefit of the doubt."
REAL ANSWER: No you didn't. Like you didn't last time, and you won't next time, and frankly, I don't know why he puts up with you.
Little White Evasion: Being in relationships is hard, isn't it?

"And everyone was staring at my child. Why can't people cut a three-year-old a little slack?"
REAL ANSWER: Because most people's three-year-olds do not stand on tables and scream in coffee shops. You're not asking for 'slack', you're asking for license to riot.
LWE: Guess it'll be a while before you go back to that place!

"I guess I was a bit rude to that other driver."
Laura pretends to have dropped into a sudden, unexpected coma.

Yes, I can and do get into tough conversations. In fact, I often quite enjoy them. But they aren't always necessary, they certainly aren't always welcome, and sometimes? Sometimes it's just none of my damned business. And for those occasions?

I just loooove me some Little White Lies...

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16 Comments:

  • Hmmm...fake orgasms...DEFINITELY little white lies!

    Guess I've told my share - but it's an ego-booster, so it's harmless, right?

    Sheesh...

    By Blogger Tiggerlane, at 1:16 PM  

  • I think I saw your child in my favorite coffee shop the other day. Cute kid :o) All little lies and all pretty harmless.

    By Anonymous Joy T., at 1:41 PM  

  • Oh, are all you women devious liars? I have a 12" cock i'll have you know! And if I could use it.......... hee, hee!!

    By Blogger john.g., at 3:08 PM  

  • Now, that you put it that way...Little White Evasion. Yes, that is it, we are not really lying just evading the truth. I love your attitude.

    By Blogger mjd, at 3:50 PM  

  • yep might have used that one then! oh ah oh LOL

    By Blogger her indoors, at 4:19 PM  

  • Tiggerlane - I don't know any woman who hasn't! Once in a while, it's harmless. If you're always faking it, there's a problem...

    JoyT - Little bugger gets around, doesn't she?

    John G - OMG. You saw my reaction to the 9-inch one mentioned in the joke on your blog. 12?? GET AWAY FROM ME!! (Useful or not, that thing's a menace.)

    MJD - Little White Evasions, because, when I can choose, I value kindness more than honesty. There is a time for honesty and damn the torpedoes, of course - but not, perhaps, as often as people indulge.

    Her Indoors - You like it? It's yours! LOL

    By Blogger irreverentmama, at 4:47 PM  

  • OH - fake orgasms.

    Now I know for a fact - I AM A LIAR.

    By Anonymous Karmyn R, at 4:51 PM  

  • Karmyn - LOL LOL LOL But as Tiggerlane says - it's a kindness in a good cause, right? (Right?)

    By Blogger irreverentmama, at 4:55 PM  

  • I think those little white 'evasions' like your example of replying with 'i noticed you were a little quiet, wanna backrub' is actually the kindest and selfless of acts. I do that ALL the time! Who wants to be told to get lost and get over it? Nobody. Just the same as I am sure my hubby does the same for me.

    By Blogger theotherbear, at 8:35 PM  

  • Yes, sleep is a treasure. yep I've "told" that lie before.

    By Blogger lisa's chaos, at 10:18 PM  

  • me,oh my... you really entered the zone on that one.


    I enjoyed the what you said, what you thought, and your evasion as well.

    I could do an entire post on that.... thanks for the wonderful idea.

    By Blogger Pamela, at 11:24 PM  

  • LOL You totally crack me up!

    By Anonymous susan, at 1:19 AM  

  • What about LWE at work?

    "Cough Cough, I feel miderable. I'll be ind domorrow. Cough Cough..."

    By Blogger The Boy, at 7:50 AM  

  • Otherbear - True enough. I feel no guilt for those things. They are not factual, but they are not lies, either, and most often, they're simply a kindness. When I read the Fun Monday challenge, I thought I'd have lots to tell - but, rather surprising myself, I couldn't think of any. Turns out I'm devious, but not often directly deceitful.

    Lisa - Mmmm, lovely....zzzz...

    Pamela - Me, I think those evasions are part of the social grease that prevents the whole thing from blowing up into ugliness twenty times a day. It's only a problem when the other guy isn't doing it for you, equally.

    Susan - Thank you. :-)

    By Blogger irreverentmama, at 8:33 AM  

  • The Boy - Everyone tells those - except me. I work from home. The equivalent for me is, pretending to have been overtaken by something pressing and critical as an excuse fo deaying a deadline, when in fact I've been sick. Ironic, that.

    By Blogger irreverentmama, at 8:36 AM  

  • I stole dimes from my mother's purse when I was five years old, then lied about it. Many decades later I feel sick with guilt just remembering this. I was a pretty good liar when I was a kid, but I find that the older I get the more honest I become, and the greater my sense of guilt.

    Although I don't like liars or lying, I do have a certain sneaking admiration for people who can tell really convincing, seamless lies well. Life must go a lot more smoothly for people who can manage lying effortlessly.

    By Blogger Mary Witzl, at 7:05 PM  

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